every room has a skeleton, and a closet to keep it in, and you're mine

i sometimes forget that hearts are fragile things.
this, of course, is really just to say that i'm reevaluating my options.

it's not really a matter of figuring out what i want to do, because truthfully i want to do everything, and therefore don't really want to do anything, because doing one thing means that there's another 500 that i could be doing in its stead that i'm now missing out on. it's not that i've ever really disliked anything that i've done... i just didn't like not being able to do everything else.

but i think that i've made up my mind to apply for graduate school in the spring. here in tyler.
yes, the violent succubus of cities, and i'd sign on for some extra time here, and the strange thing is that i'm really not even doing it for a girl (which is what i would expect of me, honestly).

so i'm looking for a second job right now, so that i can pay all the money that i need to pay to have all of my school paperwork in my hands and ready to roll come february 1st, which is my deadline for admissions. maybe i'll take a vacation this summer, maybe next. maybe i'll calm down and abduct my true love and climb to the highest point in Scotland and everything will be roses. but that's all an awful lot of speculation when i still have no idea whether it's something i would even want to do, since i have no idea of what else i could be doing instead.

it's like ani said, "i wonder if everything i do, i do instead of something i'd like to do more... the question fills my head."