a girl, free time, and a library card...

I suppose that I could have titled this blog "one girl's love affair with the library," since that seems to be what most of my entries are about. I'm an addict; I'll admit it. But I'm slowly cutting back on the number of items that I have checked out... I'm down to 73 now, and should hit the below-70 mark by the end of the month. Since I don't really believe in returning things until I've read/watched/listened to/copied for later enjoyment them, this is a slow and arduous process that began in April when I began working at the library and checking out books every time I went in.

I still have 10 dvds out, but that's another matter. I'm working my way through watching a couple of them, and I have a long list of movies to check out as soon as the current movies are returned. I'm a cinemanic, and I'm okay with that. I love lighting and costuming and camera angles. I love complex storylines and revolutionary acting. I love finding that special something tucked away in a dvd case that reports on some concealed aspect of the human condition (and indeed, it's part of the human condition to conceal everything, isn't it?), or stopping during my day to have long chats with complete strangers about the redeeming qualities of a particular film. The camera is my element, the script, and therein I feel safe, comfortable, in a million worlds that resemble this one and yet aren't quite, though this is perhaps because I myself live in my own world of not quite, leaving on occasion to remind myself what it is that i'm happy to be without.

The books themselves are sorted into non-fiction and fiction, with those due sooner pulled forwards to indicate that they have a sort of priority. I have a sort of fear within me that I will never read all the book I've intended to read, and since my intent is to read every book, to read every thought, then perhaps this fear is justified, if not a bit pathological and bizarre. Each book has a story behind it, a special reason that I selected it, took it off of the shelf (or decided to forego shelving it at all) and brought it home. Something I meant to read in high school, when my friends recommended it. A Lewis Carroll reference in the title. A good friend's favourite book, the history of my people, a lover's insistence. Reading the books becomes consuming these stories, as well as the ones within. There is a book here for each of the people that I trust most in the world, sometimes more. Perhaps I approached the books they loved because I love them, or perhaps somehow I felt that by embracing their favourite stories, we, though apart, can embrace still.