if you love enough, you lie a lot (at least they did in camelot)

when i was little, we'd go on these big cross-country trips, and we'd leave insanely early in the morning... sometimes around 4am. except knowing that something big was coming only made it harder to sleep, and knowing that i had to get up early for this big something made trying to sleep even worse. it's like that now, i guess, and i'd suppose that it's a matter of being on the crux of moving, trying to put my proverbial affairs in order at the last minute.

this all still strikes me as being terribly sudden; i guess i thought that i would have more time. more time to say goodbye to old friends and create some more good memories before i left, time to go for walks and stare up at the sky or recall the rocks by the crystals buried at their bases. i thought there would be time to sound an alarm, but instead, it feels as though i'm sneaking out in the dead of night, skulking in shadows after everyone (at long last) is asleep. perhaps it's the only way to get out, and i really should get out.

i think a lot about rita now, about how she was my ally long before she was my friend. i guess that she's what i'll miss most about this town, even though we haven't spent a lot of time lately, since becky moved out and eric came around and i've been running off with stevie habitually for the last month. if we were younger, i would say that we've grown apart, but i guess at this juncture in our lives it's a matter of making all the pieces fit. and we both know that we fit in one another's puzzles, and knowing that means that we can wait until our piece is called.

and then there's tracy, sweet fae tracy, whose absence causes a distinct surge of sadness. where will i find our kind, i wonder, who will i take on spelunking adventures with me? but i know the answer, and i guess i have all along. why does it feel like i have to grow up really fast, all of a sudden? and not grow old, just grow... into a different set of responsibilities?

i guess i've sent off the e-mails that i needed to send, so now there's nothing left to do but try to get some sleep.